How to pick a chick!

Grace and Peace,

I actually am not too sure how to pick a girl, so I’m just gonna talk about my ideal woman and call it a how to guide. This is gonna be a long one. Go Pop some popcorn and get the cordless phone… maybe you should just use the bathroom now… and walk the dog first.. put your phone on vibrate. Done?

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way a how to pick up chicks guide. This is how to select who/what you would like in a mate. Getting that person to like YOU is a different world like Cree Summers (who has a beautiful speaking voice and beautiful hair, by the way. Thats part of the standard..). Basically, I’m writing this for all my Christian and Christ-like brothers out there. To us, a girlfriend is someone who we think we could possibly share life with because we aren’t the guys in the world. We can’t “hit it and quit it” so to speak. However, this doesn’t mean that from the first date we’re thinking about wedding bells and tux colors. Plus, no one is perfect so some of us may let physical appearances sway us a litt– ok, a lot.

Anyways, if you yourself are a chick, think you’re a chick, act like a chick or wish you were a chick please click here. Click it! Or you can exit the premises and sign up for Neopets.com or something. You’ll know this applies to you if you were offended by the use of the term “chick” in the previous statements. Now for my brothas, here is my ‘How to Pick a chick guide”:

Now this isn’t just a cut and dry 1, 2, 3 guide. Everyone has different standards and ideas of what they want. What works for me may not work for you. In considering who your ideal woman is we all have to come to the startling realization that there’s a good chance that she’s either non existent, dead or, even worse, married.

The aspects of a mate fall under Physical, Environmental and Personal (in my opinion, in order from least to most important).

1. First, jot down everything your ideal woman has in all categories

PHYSICAL:

• ANY Race, slight preference to Black or Caribbean Indian
• Beautiful, honest Eyes
• Nice Smile!
• Nice smell! lol
• Mad nice hair (or those nice, feminine dreads)
• Nice voice (the scratchy kind or the flawlessly tear jerking singer kind)
• Generous booty (I’ma be real wit yall)
• Top front to match
• Let’s just say I likes me some curves LOL
• Small hands and feet
• NOT barren (I’m tryna have a Thomas 5 up in here)
• In good health
• Good metabolism
• Ages well

ENVIRONMENTAL:

• CHRISTIAN UPBRINGING
• Comes from a full family house (both parents, lots of siblings)
• Caribbean upbringing
• Grew up around MUSIC!!
• Grew up around education
• Grew up anywhere BUT the REAL ghetto (like the heart of Bedstuy is great if she can carry herself, but the Ft. Greene Projects TEND to rub off on cats)
• Has younger siblings
• Has an older brother
• Grew up with/ around Dad
• Attended College

PERSONAL:

• PERSONAL relationship with The Lord
• Musician or Singer (every girl I’ve EVER dated has been a singer)
• Educated
• Smart (Two different things. You don’t have to go to school to be smart)
• Good cook (not just able. She’s gonna hafta compete with the sweet Trini hand of Marva Thomas)
• Good with Cleaning and stuff (not by herself, but I mean I can’t be BETTER than her)
• Good with money
• Carries herself well
• Patient
• Kind
• Humble
• Confident
• Determined
• Ambitious (She’s a self motivated go getter who never quits if it’s even remotely possible)
• Somewhat independent
• Good with kids
• Knows how to respect her man
• Knows how to respect herself
• Fights for her rights and when she’s right
• Knows how to argue even when she’s wrong (cuz that’s what I do… i eventually admit i knew I was wrong tho..)
• Can hold a silly conversation or an intellectual one or a theological one or one of those “we don’t really have anything to talk about, but I called you and somehow we’re lost in conversation for hours and now I feel full even tho i forgot to eat and it’s 2am and I have a 9 o’clock class but I really don’t wanna get off the phone” type conversations.
• Has a sense of humor, preferably a silly/witty/crazy/sexy/cool/awesome/amazingly great one like mine
• I feel like there’s more but this personal list is getting a little too long and a little too personal lol

2. Anything else?

MISC:

• She has to love me completely for who I am, flaws and all, but not let me feel like I’m above her. She has to be so simply complex that I’ll be discovering her for our whole lives and love her more each day.
• She has to know when to fall into my arms and let me comfort her and when to get up, dust herself off and attack the situation head on, her tiny fists flying to and fro.
• I normally don’t stare into peoples eyes. I don’t know why. It’s just a little personal to me. I love eyes. My lady has to have eyes that I can get lost in, find a hidden village in and raise a family in and then realize i hafta get out of her eyes to answer my cell phone.
• She has to let me support her and let herself support me. If we’re gonna be married we’re gonna be one. If we’re one, I want you to succeed and excel at whatEVER you do.

3. Now go through those lists and pick out the most important ones.

• Beautiful eyes.
• Nice hair.
• “Generous” body.
• NOT barren.
• In good health.
• Caribbean upbringing.
• PERSONAL relationship with The Lord.
• Musical.
• Smart.
• Good cook.
• Good with house stuff.
• Good with money.
• Patient.
• Confident.
• Ambitious.
• Knows how to respect her man.
• Knows how to respect herself.
• Fights for her rights.
• Can hold conversations.
• Has a sense of humor.

Most likely you’ll realize that the one with the most items is personal because you seldom control your environment and body is only temporary. All old people look alike, basically.

4. Now, hopefully your new list isn’t too long bacause now you’ve got to whittle it down to The top 10 attributes (preferably in order).

1. PERSONAL relationship with The Lord.
2. Smart.
3. Ambitious.
4. Good cook.
5. Can hold conversations.
6. Has a sense of humor.
7. Knows how to respect her man.
8. Good with house stuff.
9. Musical.
10. Beautiful Eyes.

5. What you have before you is MY master list. Hopefully you followed along and you have yours too.

If you see the first three in a female you know, that warrants some intrigue. If you see the top five, you better ask her out on a date before she gets married or moves to Texas! After that it’s up to you what percentage of your top 10 you think is possible to find or you are willing to settle for (but “settle for” sounds so bad!!). I’m the kind of person that has mustard bottle faith and so I’d wait for God to send that ideal woman for a LONG time.. and then I’d settle for 8 out of 10 LOL But what you do is, you look for those attributes and then if they aren’t there, go to your new list. If THAT doesn’t work got to the brainstorm list AVOIDING the Physical column.

For me, my top 5 things are things my wife will need to have before we even meet. 6-8 are things that could be handled or dealt with if we were to get married. Nine and ten are just things that I’d love. Ideally you’d take the physical aspects out this point and sub them for something more substantial but she REALLY has to have some banging eyes! For the record I would take out eyes and put good with money over musical.

Sometimes life is funny. You may find someone who fits 3 out of your ORIGINAL list and you’ll be married and happy forever. Sometimes you’ll find someone who fits everything you want but they won’t be for you. Just pray that God’s will is done because that’s the only way you’ll be content. Papa knows best.

The main thing is, whether you make this list or not, don’t go into life looking at what you DON’T want. You’ll find flaws in everyone in the world. Also, don’t forget that your perfect woman, let’s call her Sanaa Lathan.. what?? I love her… anyways, don’t be fooled. Sanaa may have her own little pink list in her little brown hands. Don’t go shopping with no wallet. Don’t go fishing without bait. Don’t go looking for Ms. Right without being Mr. Right. Make this same list about yourself, what you want to be for her. Put them together, pray over them, let God do the rest. It’s been real yall. A little too real at times. I gotta go tho, Sanaa is calling me from my dreams.

Put a little love in your heart (1J4:8),

2uest

P.S.

THIS IS THE FIRST BLOG I’VE EVER COMPLETED IN ONE FELL SWOOP!

:.:*fireworks:*:.

Vent081508

How dare you.

How dare you come into my life again.

How dare you invade my land with childhood memories and delusions of grandeur.

Don’t do that again.

How dare you expose me to something I didn’t know I wanted, I needed.

How dare you leave the place you left me for to come back to lift me and leave me more.

How dare you answer my call for late night calls and fresh faces and nice waists and thighs placed under hips placed under lips poised for missed kisses with this from a dismissed mistress.

How dare you invade my mind and persuade these vent lines from rants to poetic stanzas whitewashed with sepia toned memories of us holding hands

How dare you leave me alone.

How dare you not leave me alone.

You know what triggered all this…?

I looked at my hand and instead of a kiss

I saw a bite mark.

I FREAKING bite mark.

You marred my hand!

Left your mark.

I’M the man (not like that, but in terms of marking territory and whatnot).

I’m the man and I am not yours. I wont be yours anymore. The poetic portion of this piece has ended. We now return to your regularly scheduled vent. The hands of a pianist are things NOT to be messed with. I’ve gotten scars on my right hand. Some psycho chick in 2nd grade, an accident that was my fault and Matthaus being an over-”reacting” hyper psycho ninja. My left hand, reserved for marriage, now has a mark of a past i might choose to leave behind. Now whenever I look @ my wedding band, on my wedding day and anniversaries, I’ll think of something other than my wife and my marriage. Bite marks go away, memories last forever…

VIsP

(Very Important, stupid People)

Grace and Peace,

This Monday was the Tye Tribbet concert @ Wingate Park. When heard about it I knew I would be there.. mainly because it was Free!! Jesus paid it all. One thing I’ve always wondered: What is the appropriate time to arrive for a free concert and not seem like a fiend? Apparently, the correct answer is NOT two and a half hours prior, because we got there and the line was mos def around the block! Unless it was a line full of fiends… Nevertheless, it was ok. I had a secret weapon, VIP Status! :bow chickawowwooow:

The Thursday before at AMM practice we all decided we would cancel practice on Monday to go to the Wingate concert. That Monday I was chillin with the troops, Jezreel, and my main ninja Kennard calls me. His mom works Chase, bank which is a big time sponsor of the free concerts. Because of this, she can get VIP seating for any of thier events. Well we had seats and I dint get to sit w/ AMM. I wasn’t THAT upset because we were in VIP!

::a week later::

Long story short, we stood on the WRONG line for like 30mins and then got in, got out  and STILL had good seats.

I gotta learn how to blog. I started this post LAST friday. Smh

I’m bouta start another blog.

I’ll forever be chasing after you..

Grace and Peace,

I figured, let me get this post out of the way before the new weekend comes and I forget what I had to say and what happened and where I am and who I am how to spell Kareoke.. karioki.. Careeyokie…

This Saturday I came out of my Almond shell. Sounds weird, right? I’m in a band called AMM (Anointed Musicians Movement). The Band founder and coordinator, Andre Wilson, is the son of a pastor at Upper Room Ministries in Brooklyn. A young man named Saeed helps voice train the singers at upper room ministries.

Now that you’re caught up, Saeed had a concert last Saturday, July 26, 2008. AMM ministered at this concert, but I’d felt kind of weird since Friday. Saturday was a great day… well kinda. I woke up early Saturday to get a shape up because I’m trying this new look where I don’t shave my beard. I planned to go for 8 but I woke up late. Thank goodness I did because I got there at 9.00 and the shop wasn’t even open! So i walked about 10 blocks to the Dunkin’ Donuts that just opened near (well, not THAT near) my house. I didn’t go in, I just walked TO it. Walked back and the shop was STILL closed so I went home, took a quick shower and waited for Dre so we could go to B’klyn.

Me and my other group, Jezreel, sang a new song about freedom. Freedom was my life theme for those couple days. That night there was a concert. Long story short, AMM in general as a band was kinda bad. I felt restricted, un-fullfilled and basically un-free. Read Jeremiah 1. Basically this speaker, told us about how the best of an almond is inside of the shell. God asked Jeremiah what he saw and Jeremiah spoke it aloud. Sometimes we need to be verbal, audible. I had been thinking about that for the longest time. We tell ourselves its ok to think, pray and even praise in our minds. Sometimes we need to SPEAK things as tho they are, not think them. I felt like God was speaking to me straight through them. We had a session of telling God what we see for our lives.

I told God about the things I see him doing through me. My shell was one of self doubt and fear of stepping out and failure. I broke it. I see myself excelling in music to the point where I can’t explain it on this blog. I see myself preaching the word with no hang ups or fears. I see myself witnessing with no inhibitions. I see myself with a wife that understands me, loves me and fits me like a glove. She’s a hard worker like my mom. I see myself walking in the authority God made for me. Afterwards I felt a little different. I didn’t tell anyone because they’d think I was crazy, but when in the moments of silence on the way home and at home I literally heard music, faint but barely audible.

That night I spoke to God about a lot more things. I spoke so much I think he answered my prayers just to shut me up. I got my second chances. I got the knowledge of how to use the wisdom he gives me. I got the patience and so on. The most dramastic change was when I asked God to rise up the boldness in me and his words in my mouth. Its been like a spirit of an Advocate warrior was placed in me. I can’t take things sitting down anymore. Unfortunately, that Monday after a great free concert at Wingate with Tye Tribett the devil tried to frustrate me. He’s a loser though because I still have my joy, my peace, my love and everything God renewed in me that weekend. I basically wanna thank God for what he did and let you guys know, NO More Mr. Nice Guy.

I gotta start updating sooner.

-5, 4, 3, 2,..

Response to a Anecdote

So Once Upon a time, there was this guy. He was in a band. This band had one member. He tried to bring others into the band, one at a time. They didn’t really work out. Thie very first singer that showed promise was in the band for two whole albums. Unfortunately, the partnership split because of irreconcilable differences… as in She wanted to be in a different band. She wasnt the greatest singer anyways. The guy was still young and continued to search for a sutible partnership.

The next partnership was great. It had its ups and downs, but the band popularity made a major improvement. This partnership gained the band a couple gigs and even a meting with an A&R. Unfortunately the genres didn’t mesh well, so members agreed to split.

The arrangement that stole the cake was the last. too bad it couldn’t last. More later.

-Be free

1st off

Grace and Peace,

This is so true. You never want something as bad as when you cant have it.  I’ve been unable to blog for the past week and I’ve been dying to blog.

I separated with my best friend turned girlfriend and I saw her the other day. I didn’t know I could want someone to want me so bad. Especially after reading her blog, dissipating my illusion that she’s over her ex.

I’ve got more but I’ve also got to get to sleep. Shout out to Samsungsama! I guess now would be the time to initiate a cool sign off phrase, huh?

Live Love

…no not.. quite..

Peace and love…

.. nah thas kinda redundant…

I’ma talk to yall later

Hello world!

Bless the lord!